How do I not have grey hair already?

I'm not a super-fun person to hang out with right now. Like, I might officially be kind of a bummer. I think the only people who really enjoy me are my brother because I let him drive me places for his necessary driving hours and the twins because they are six and I bring them presents, usually with a pirate theme. It's just that the essence of me doesn't really resond well to change and everything is changing right now and thus, I am consumed with worries pretty constantly. Worries like these:

1. Surviving grad school and particularly impressing one JB, the world's most intimidating, intelligent and amazing professor who I made an ass out of myself in front of. Like, i need to make a ridiculously good 2nd impression and my plan for that is to stay silent for a little while till I figure out what she likes.

2. Fitting all of my shit into my car for next week. i think I have enough room but I also have more clothes than anyone should ever have, ever. And the vacuum sealed shrink bags won't stay vaccuum sealed. And I have 3 boxes that are just toiletries. (I scaled those down tonight.) I hope Klaus doesn't mind riding on the roof.

3. Resuming a healthy eating/exercise routine. I had to quit the gym because I was leaving and I miss it desperately. Exercising at home doesn't appeal nearly as much to me and thus I haven't been doing it. This makes me even more cranky. I also miss doing my own grocery shopping and cooking because I tend to eat like the people I am with and that is oh so bad for the jeans zipper. I know that I just need to be careful now but not worry about it until I have control of my life again but that doesn't sit well with me and I worry about my body constantly.

4. Throwing away something that means a lot to me. I have been clearing out my childhood bedroom and closets and stuff with a lot of sentimental value and I know a lot of it needs to go but it means things to me and so it makes it very hard. There are people I don't want to remember and so it is easy to get rid of that stuff but there are people that I really do want to remember and I worry that I will forget them without that one photo or birthday card.

5. Maintaining friendships when I am not sunshine and rainbows to be around.

Group and Dump

I hate the "what have I been doing" posts but this post is what it is. I am going to do most recent stuff first.

1. I have done something unknown to my shoulder that is causing me a great deal of pain. I can't use my left arm much and I can't really turn my head and I keep waiting for it to get better but unfortunately, it does not appear to be healing. I'm concerned, Tim Gunn style. It hurts a lot and I usually have a pretty high tolerance for pain (the amount of accidents and surgeries I have had does that to you) but last night, I even reached for some leftover vicodin from when I popped my jaw out of its socket at Christmas two years ago. (Yes, I am the queen of weird, freaky medical issues. Some people think it's hot.)

2. Packing, packing, packing. I leave in less than two weeks and even though all of my stuff is primarily in a POD in Pasadena, I still have quite a bit of clothes and other miscellaneous items that I have to figure out how to fit in my car. The other thing I did was order the majority of my books for this semester while I am still in Colorado and so I am transporting about 30 extra heavy volumes that I did not own until about 2 weeks ago.

3. For the first time in about 4 years, I am completely single. I was single for about a month last summer before I met someone that has been on and off for this entire year but I had the "talk" with him a couple of weeks ago and it was fine and I am not sad about it the tiniest bit although he is a great person. I think the talk went better because I am moving and it was no secret but honestly, I would have broken up with him even if there was no relocation in the mix. But, then in our off times, I dated a couple other people like The Professor and so I was really only quasi-single at best. Basically, what I am getting at is that single now is nice, I don't want to date anyone else but it's also weird, just like everything else in my life.

4. PhD reading. I have 2 out of 3 reading lists for next semester and both of those two require a couple of books to be read before school has started and so I am working on that. These books are good but packed full of information so it's a little slow going. Plus, I have devised an outlining system so that I have notes to refer back to upon studying for quals and also, for class discussion in a month. I figured I would be too stressed to read them all a couple days before class but that I wouldn't remember enough if I read them in the beginning of the summer so thus, the outlining system. (I'm trying to take this PhD thing super seriously if you can't tell.) I'm also taking a class on Carolingian Europe, the one class with no pre-reading, thankfully (my prof was so nice about this--he said he figured I had enough to to with moving that I didn't need to be pre-reading for his class.) However, I know jack about Carolingian Europe so I am reading a couple books Carol recommended to get a little caught up and not make an ass out of myself in the class.

5. Intellectually discussing The Dark Knight. So obviously, I am not the target sudience for this movie but I don't care, I loved it anyway. Mikey and I had a long talk about the philosophical statements the movie overtly made and I think we came up with a couple--a Jesus/Devil symbolic thing going on, a comparison to current foreign policy strategies and a commentary on how this movie was anti-utilitarian, meaning it was the worst for a few rather than the greatest good for the most. Also, on a last note, I thought that Heath Ledger's characterization was so thorough and amazing, which I know isn't new or profound but I was duly impressed.

6. Eating too much ice cream. I realized after having access to a working freezer, that my old freezer pretty much ruined food but specifically ice cream. Now that I can have ice cream whenever I want and it tastes so good, I have a difficult time exercising moderation. My perrenial favorite is cookies and cream but I especially love the Oreo version Breyer's puts out.

7. Gambling. I went up to Blackhawk a couple of weeks ago and for the first time ever, I actually won money! There was this random little game called "Jackpot Party" and let me tell you, party indeed. I ended up about $45 ahead which was pretty super. I love the trashy, Vegas tinged elements of Blackhawk because it's just so cheesy and geared toward the elderly. They make me feel young again!

8. Not drinking. I'm on the wagon right now basically because I don't need the calories, I will probably be drinking once I get to Cali and the booze seems to be triggering headaches for me. I am really enjoying not drinking though, especially since I have a much longer way to drive home than I did two months ago.

Blech, there's more but all this stuff was boring enough. This summer has been kind of rough and really busy considering that I am not working or doing anything else of substance. It's amazing how much there is to do for moving and grad school. My Master's program surely didn't take this much work.

An Excellent Reason to be Pro-Gun Control

There are few things I hate on this earth like guns.  I have even done a little anti-gun political campaigning.  I think that this is exactly why I do it:

Man Kills Pregnant Wife While Cleaning His Gun.

I never thought I would say "Thanks, Fox News!"

I'll do more posts later--it's just been a really busy time.  I leave in 2 weeks!

6 Word Movie Reviews

Lots of movies lately, only a few words to describe them.

1. Baby Mama: Tina Fey can do no wrong.

2. WANTED: Gigantic Fight Club Rip-Off, obvi.

3. Made of Honor: Many clothes that I wanted to wear.

4. Get Smart: Carell: Super funny, Hathaway: Super hot.

5. Akeelah and the Bee: Made me love words even more.

6. Pretty in Pink: Not John Hughes' best cinematic work.
John Cryer got ridiculously screwed over.

7. Mad Money: Not funny but not dramatic either.

8. Prince Caspian: Excellent but needed some Mr. Tumnus?

9. The Bourne Trilogy: Damon is ripped, great German girl.

Next week: Mama Mia with my own dear madre and Batman with Jessi. I'm psyched on it. My shameful secret of the week is that I want to see Kit Kittredge. Don't judge me--Carol told me I would love it.

Also, I got my Mile High Music Festical ticket today--maybe I will get the chance for John Mayer to drip sweat on me.

Truer Words Were Never Spoken...

I don't love Maureen Dowd, for reasons that I will not get into on this post, but I do love this column.

I've seen most of these relationship issues in action, either first hand or with my friends and they are relationship killers.

Good News!

In other news that is deemed "good", I seem to have finally gotten next semester's class schedule straightened out. I thought I had everything chosen a couple of months ago until it turns out that all of my elective choices conflicted with the two classes that I must take. This made me really sad because one of them was this English class on Medieval English Literature with the theme Deferred Pleasures. You read Chaucer and Caroline Bynum and Margery Kempe and Le Morte D'Arthur and so many things that I either love and need a refresher or just plain need to read. Oh, sadness. But last night, I finally figured out an option--a 400 level undergrad course call Carolingian Europe. I'll take it as an independent study and so extra readings and a longer final paper but this will be good for me because my early medieval Europe knowledge is woefully lacking. Super. I am glad this is taken care of.

I also got some really great shoes two days ago after my mom's dog ate one of mine and I had to go replace them. It' seemed like it was destined though because these are the kind of whimsical kind of flats that I love.

Bad Habits

I have a couple of bad habits (actually, I have dozens of bad habits but this post is only about two of them.) that have reared their ugly head recently. The first is that I tend to want to avoid any uncomfortable situations or confrontations as much as possible. It's like I stick my head into the ground and pretend it isn't there until I actually have to deal with it. This is terrible and really immature of me. I was supposed to do some paperwork and write a petition weeks ago and now I have to do it and it makes me worried because what if the petition gets denied? Then I am up shit creek and I don't know how to swim.

The other habit is that I also really and truly believe that doing nothing breeds the need to do more nothing. You can't ever have enough time to do nothing and at the end of the day, you have accomplished, well, nothing. I did this the year after I graduated college. I had a job but even that seemed too stressful and all I wanted to do was be at home watching Netflix, or in other words, lying around doing nothing. It was pretty terrible and in retrospect, I was probably mildly depressed. I even lost the love for reading everything but US Weekly and that's just embarrassing. I'm not doing exactly nothing in my life right now but it is very unstructured. I might have plans to work out or go out with friends or a mystery shop but this is not a regular schedule and the time I am not doing a structured activity seems to be wasted time. (Although my "wasted time" this morning was cleaning out the basement, mopping the kitchen and washing the dishes so gauge that as you will.) I just feel like a bum and I have so much energy that just seems to be festering. I need to smack myself around a little and get off my lazy ass and do something productive.

Phew. (A Large Exhale of Air.)

Oh, goodness, it has been a long time since I have posted. I would like to blame it all on busyness and travel (and for the most part, I have been busy and travelling) but honestly, I just not have been in a blogging frame of mind. I have about 100 more substantial and interesting thoughts going through my head but I can't seem to commit them to paper. Some are about politics, most are about movies and a few are about growing up and transitions. Maybe not that interesting on second thought. Here are a few little tidbits that I can make almost cohesive.

1. I think my roommates and I have found a townhouse. It's beautiful with a huge kitchen, a washer/dryer, air conditioning and 2 balconies. It's in a delightful and very famous part of the city which is good to be able to point out to people.

2. I went to LA for a few days and it was sticky hot but also delightful. I managed to navigate the great LA area with a GPS perfectly and got fairly acclimated to the supposedly treacherous freeway system. I went to bars with my ridiculously hot cousins and got a phone number given to me by a guy who insisted he would take care of "a fellow awesome Colorado girl." I promptly and accidentally lost the number because I am a dumb ass and I can't efficiently operate my phone. That's all right, I probably wouldn't have called him anyway. We also went dancing and that was a nice change from the stodgy Colorado bar scene. The only problem with the trip was that I took it up the ass with rental car prices. I am going to try my hardest to never rent a car again. It blew goats.

3. I've been seeing lots of movies lately--mostly because I am broke and it's cheap but also, air conditioned. WANTED was an awful watered-down graphic novel Fight Club. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Baby Mama was utterly delightful and Tina Fey is perpetually my idol. I would watch that woman read the phone book because it would be funny.

4. I really, really, really want to go to the Mile High Music Festival but the money would probably make me feel so guilty, I would shit a brick. But John Mayer, the love of my like and also Dave Matthews and so many more. I would really like to see Ingrid Michaelson too. Oh, I am so torn!

5. I am not adjusting super well to having empty days. Like, not empty, per se because I am going out a lot with friends and the gym and other errands but I am really struggling with a lack of structure.

6. Jessi and I have brought our separate groups of friends together and now we are all friends and I LOVE these people, all of them. They are delightful and make the summer oh-so-fun. There was a kick ass 4th of July barbecue that was pretty much my best Fourth ever.

7. I frequent several libraries in the area. I just love libraries. I also have read 32 books out of the 52 I intend to read this year so that's cool. The last few books have been a pretty shameful quality so I may not count them. I do need to start some PhD reading though.

8. I am learning to bake pie. Chocolate pie, lemon pie, apple pie, ALL pie. As Scott says, the biggest problem with feminism is the fact that there would be less pie. I can't argue with that.

9. I am also writing a cookbook and testing the recipes. Not that I know what I will do with this book once I write it but it is a fun project. It's mostly salads right now but the pasta and egg dishes are becoming more numerous. I may put them on a separate blog. I am also thinking of starting a restaurant review blog. The hobby of food is getting more and more consuming.